Friday, December 26, 2008

A new twist on an old kick in the pants.

Captain Goldensword has had his mind blown. And that is not easy to do, considering that one of my superpowers is an anti-blowing force field that surrounds my abnormally large brain. It would be understandable for you to be skeptical - do not fear - I understand that my perfectly proportioned cranium does not look as though it houses an abnormally large brain. No my friends, my brain, in fact, resides mainly in an alternate dimension where small is large and large is small, so when I say that my brain is large, what I really mean is that is large in a small dimension that has inverted laws of large-ness. Do you see?

But I digress.

The reason that I am bloggering even though it is not December 21st, is that the very group of superheroes that once rejected my application for super-partnership has hired my SI to do some light administrative work on the weekends. And so I have to keep my secret identity secret from heroes whose secret identities I am now privy to, while at the same time, hiding the fact that I am a formidable crimefighter as well. Can you now appreciate the mind-blowiness of the whole situation?

I have signed a legally binding waiver that prohibits me from revealing which association of superheroes I am now affiliated with, but suffice it to say that their name rhymes with 'Fruper-sends'. The advantages of my employment are many, but perhaps the most advantageous advantage is that, whilst filing expenditure reports from their various battles with the forces of evil, I have access to a wide variety of personal information for most major super-villians. Some of the more astound-inating tidbits are learning what these villian's religious affiliations are, their respective blood types, and their greatest pet peeves. So if, say, the Complainiac is giving blood at St. Jame's annual Easter blood drive, I will know that the best way to thwart whatever evil she is secretly planning would be to crash in through the stained glass window and scrape my fingernails across a blackboard.

So thanks to the Sup... er, I mean 'Frupersends', I shall soon take the smiting of evil to entirely new level of righteous sneakiness.

1 comment:

Vivi Alden said...

Yes, on with the evil-smushing!

Though, I must tell you that I know Complainiac personally. She doesn't mean to be evil, she just can't really help herself. So, go easy on the chalkboard, will you?